"kiddo. it's not for lack of trying. it is this way because someone is bound to get hurt.

...and it won't be me"

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slowly walking in a pool. looking on the bottom for something i'm missing.

my wedding ring.

i hear laughter. out of the corner of my eye (and somehow, around my head) i see something moving much faster.

focus: the ring.

yes... but i cannot find it! breathe. it has to be here.

(why?)

i turn my head upwards. his almond shaped pixie (blue, so very blue) eyes are staring right at me. in his hand, he holds my ring (only it is prettier, much prettier).

"you really have no need for this"

i close my eyes expecting to feel his hands around my throat (experience tells me this is where they like to go). nothing.

he is gone.

i'm in that bed. the bed with the huge white pillows and the soft sheets. i curl my toes with glee and begin to pounce - STOP.

what... no, that can't be?

the boy with the blue pixie eyes (and a mess of ink black hair) is sitting under the blanket like it's a tent. the one with the straw coloured hair is with him. i hear:

"The kitchen smells of parafin, the stairways turning black and teddy's looking tired cause he's lying on his back. Crackling curtains dance in ribbons, flames are waltzing down the hall - a beetle turns a summersault in a matchbox by the wall. He's getting restless with his lettuce. Frying tonight in the Dolls House! Mummy's smiling with a match, blows softly through the doorway and draws patterns in the ash. Crackle Crackle Flash Flash!"

i turned as quietly as i could and ran for the door. in the hall i reached a woman with a vacuum and she told me that i needed to check out my friends because they keep soiling the sheets.

it only seemed naturally for me to say: "yes, ma'am, of course."

i ran past the woman with the vacuum and the pool (my ring! Yes it was on my finger!). i ran out the doors that opened themselves and into the sun.

he stood (the one with the straw-coloured hair), with the sun cleverly sealed behind him (oh how he hated the sun) perfectly dressed, his waist-coat properly pressed:

"he's not the kindest boy. you'd better be off now."

"who's not the kindest boy?(like i didn't know)"

"the one with the blue eyes. pixie, you say?"

"oh. him."

"do away with him. bad lot... pretty though."

"yeah. can i leave now?"

"oh, hum? kiddo you were never invited."

i lay feeling squished but not unpleasantly so. i wiggle so my leg can be bent to my side. a moment later, i roll over to the other side. sleep has disappeared again. i open my eyes. sunlight. i focus on the pillow to my left - handfuls of straw-coloured hair. i'm not alarmed by this. absentmindedly i turn my head (the other cheek tells me the pillowcase is cold on that side!? i wish i had known that a few moments ago. maybe i would have gone back to sleep). huh. who is this to the right of me?

i poke the one with the straw-coloured hair. i point at the other person in our shared bed. he smiles.

i sit up and peek under the white covers. my nightdress is still on, so are my socks. the others, however, are void of their clothing.

"did we... ?"

he looks at me, perplexed. "no, not you."

"oh."

i try to jog my sluggish mind, nothing comes.

"you just watched."

watched? i wonder. and in a flannel nightdress?

(i had a blissful few hours of dreams. Hastily unbuttoned. Kisses that later made for sore jaws. Straw coloured hair on white pillowcases.)