Sunday, November 21, 2010

i sat quite tall in the over-sized armchair. the floor was silent. i opened the book and cleared my throat:

"when i complete a chapter i will pause for commentary"

nods all around. i glanced at their faces, not taking in any of them.

i read for my audience, they pretended to care as well as i did. totally ludicrous, i thought repeatedly.

"... i hadn't imagined he would do the same as the others because he stayed a part of my life for so long. i never created an aspect of his personality until i felt him slipping away from me. i gave him the power to harm me. i knew -"

"obviously, you know nothing".

i didn't need to look up to know who was interrupting me.

"commentary is at the end of the chapter, sir"

"sir?" he laughed (that throaty laugh). "kiddo, you need to get off that chair and start a new chapter. you're starting to bore me".

"you?!" i stood up, fists curled. "think i did all of this for you?" (seethe, spit, seethe)

"yes. i'm sure you have. i'm flattered. now open the book to the end and start a new chapter. you'll thank me for it later".

"i hate you" (said with a bit more ?)

"it's expected. you're heartbroken at my expense again. you need to hate me to move on. just don't."

he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. i felt so small. he whispered in my ear (felt elsewhere), "it'll happen again, soon".

i held him so tight, my hands lost feeling.

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